my toothbrush bristles had turned yellow and i felt like it doesn't clean my teeth anymore. so i went to the toiletries shop to get a new one. i was getting aggravated, for i saw many different types of brushes each claiming that they could wipe plaque off my teeth more efficiently then the others, and i couldn't make a choice.
there was this old man to my left. "all these toothbrushes are bullshit." as he spoke i was almost dazzled by his healthy, white teeth. "oh yeah? then how do you clean your teeth?" i didn't really liked old people, but i was quite interested to have teeth like his.
"i don't use toothbrushes. they are the dumbest invention ever. you wanna know how i clean my teeth? i use my tongue. after every meal, and before i go to sleep, i lick each and every tooth of mine." i was slightly amused by his reply, and it came to me that he might be a little crazy. "no toothpaste needed as well."
crazy people are usually more interesting then sane ones. so i decided to continue the conversation with him.
"why do you think your tongue can stretch to reach every crevice and every angle, inside your mouth? because that's what the tongue is for! you see if your tongue was meant for just tasting food, it would have been just a piece of rigid body part, instead of the flexible muscle it is. and it has this rough texture, that actually scrubs your teeth better then any bristle. if you have had a piece of food stuck in your teeth, you find that the tongue is most suitable for getting it, as it is so sensitive and flexible."
the old man suddenly seemed to make plenty of sense. i had never thought about using the tongue like this before. i gave up buying a toothbrush and followed him out of the shop, and asked him to have a cup of coffee, hoping to hear more.
as we chatted i found out that he was not just completely sane, and in fact pretty smart. "you'd notice that mammals with teeth have very flexible tongue, for the purpose of cleaning and maintaining their teeth. birds tongues are much less agile, for they have no teeth."
for about a month i'd meet the old man for coffee during my lunch break, and he would tell me something i did not know. i started spreading them to my friends and relatives, and didn't have a hard time convincing them, with all the sense i made. and we started practicing the things the old man told us to, like not using deodorant, for they cause us to lose hair and make our feet stink; we soak our contact lenses in tap water as germs get "absorbed" by it.
i felt it sounded weird at first, doing things that were so different from the norm. but i also learnt that the "norm" is also relative, and it might be that we had always been wrong.
one day i was listening to him telling me about how another one of the popular beliefs was actually a hoax. he stopped and sipped his drink, deciding to change the subject. "have you ever thought about, how everyone doesn't seem to notice me?"
i was confused for a while, then it hit me. just as i was about to try to do something, i hear some guys shout out, and everyone at the coffee shop turn and looked at the 2 men in white, holding stun guns looking like the staff from some mental hospital. they marched towards my table and tried to grab the old man, who managed to punch one of them in the eye. they struggled for a while, until the old man's healthy, white dentures fell out. i remained at my seat, wondering what to do about the old man's dentures.
at least he wasn't my imagination. how could i possibly had thought of this foul, cheap con-man. all the coffee we drank was on me.
years later, i found myself in need of some dentures, for all my teeth had fallen off. i found a set in the attic, and had a hard time trying to remember where it came from, and after collecting dust for so many years it was still very white. i thought since my memory was so bad maybe i bought it before and forgot about it. as it fitted nicely i was convinced it must be the case.
i went to the nearby toiletries shop, and was looking at some shavers. to my right was a sorry looking man in his thirties, trying to choose a toothbrush, that came in too many bullshit shapes and fancy bristles.
